I received a message request yesterday. The name on the request took me by surprise. It was coming from the wife of an old, colleague of mine. Two thoughts immediately crossed my mind. One, had something happened to him and she was letting me know, or two, was this someone fishing for my information. I will admit that my internet wariness radar made me fear that it was the later. Still, we had been the best of friends and I had lost all touch with him when we had both switched career directions all those years ago. In fact it had been over forty years since we had communicated and I desperately wanted the message request to be legitimate. I made a decision to extend the conversation. My cautious reply provided my cell phone number and a little fishing expedition of my own. I asked if he remembered that first day we met. I hit send and almost at once, my cell phone rang. The caller ID showed the call as coming from my long lost friend. Over the next hour, the forty years that had separated us dropped away.

I have formed many relationships in my life. Some were with people I worked with. Others sprang from the different social networks I had been part of. Many were with clients I served. Some were casual and harder to keep as time and circumstances changed. But it was those that formed around shared experiences, people I met while traveling, through church, or the daily grind I shared with co-workers. Vacations end, churches change, careers shift. Relationships take work to maintain and when those breaks would come, it was easy to promise we would stay in touch but time and distance made it difficult. Jim and I had formed a work relationship through our shared experience as teachers in a small northern school district. When our teaching careers took us to different school districts, states apart, we made the promise to stay in touch. For a year or two we found the time to keep that promise, but as our families grew and new work relationships developed, well, you know what happened. Countless times I had promised myself that I would find Jim’s information and reconnect. I would find the time and plan a visit. But, as the years passed, so did my commitment to that task. Instead, I just mixed grief with guilt and moved on. If Jill hadn’t found the courage to reach out and bring the two of us into a conversation, that is exactly where the story would have ended.

When relationships end, we can blame circumstances seemingly beyond our control. We can claim there wasn’t enough time or the distance too great. We can spend time wishing that the other person will reach out. We can choose to just move on. But if the relationship was truly important, we cannot let that be the end of the story. We need to rise above the excuses and take action. Time can be overcome. The distance can still be covered. But, we need to make the first move. I learned or maybe relearned that lesson yesterday. I wish it had been me with the courage to reach out, but sadly that wasn’t the case. Thankfully Jill had that courage and because of that call the four of us are now planning to meet half way for a day of reminiscing and catching up.

Consider that friend or relative you find yourself wondering about. Where are they now? What are they doing and what might have they accomplished? Don’t let the sun set on that relationship. Be the one to reach out. They just might have been waiting for you to call.