Being Loved

12th Day Before Christmas

Posted on by kwundrow

In the 12 days before Christmas, I had been rewriting the 12 Days of Christmas song with a different gift involving my family each day.  What follows is the explanation for the last gift and my Christmas sentiment to my family.

On the twelfth day before Christmas I am giving to you, the twelve hours before Christmas.  These are the last few hours before Christmas finally arrives.  These are the magical hours.  It is during these hours that Christmas truly comes alive.  The deep meaningful traditions occur in these last important hours.

Children come home to be with their families.  The final gifts go under the tree and the wonder and anticipation begins.  The deep lasting traditions happen in these hours.  I recall my family’s Christmas Eve, heading off to church to sing in the children’s Christmas Eve service, visiting my aunts, and anticipating all those gifts waiting back home.  Watching the Christmas Carol with my dad and falling asleep with my head cradled under his arm.  I remember our own Christmas Eve’s together, listening in church to the Christmas story, singing the carols and filling in “as Wundrows watched their sheep by night” much to your mother’s chagrin.  And in those twelve hours, believing in Santa as a child and never questioning how he could visit all those houses in just one night.  Then, believing that you could be and actually are the Santa beginning the day you stopped believing in the real one.  I’m still pretty sure there is one, just ask Jackson if you want to believe as well.  I watched him put his nose to the window and wave to him last night.

Those are the things that happen in the twelve hours before Christmas.  Everything else was just the build up to these final mystical hours.  My gift to you is to remind you never to let them diminish in importance, to even slip away.  Hold them sacred and develop your own traditions.  Make them almost rituals.  Be together with family, the one you grew up in or just your own.  But make it family time.  Tuck your children into bed with a Christmas story of your own and then go put their Santa presents under the tree.

These are your final hours before Christmas.  What will you do with them?  If the true spirit of Christmas is in you, I know it will be magical.

Merry Christmas.  Celebrate well.

Dad

Sugar Sandwich

Posted on by kwundrow

Disclaimer, my siblings may each have their own memories of this story and that is okay.  Memories are just extractions of an event that occurred in the past and come back to us the way we remember them as well as the way we perceived them.  Because of this, each person will take a unique interpretation of the memory.  What follows is my own memory of this event and the significance it had for me.

I grew up in the farmhouse my parents and grandparents shared.  At the time this story took place, my grandfather was no longer alive and my grandmother was living in the upstairs of our farmhouse.  I and my two brothers were typical boys.  We tried to be good and most times we were kept so busy with farm chores, that we didn’t have a lot of time to get in much trouble.  But as boys will be boys, and no that is not an excuse, we would still find times to get in our share of trouble.

It would be at these times, exasperated by our behavior, that our mother would lay down the law and send us upstairs to our room.  I am not sure how this was really going to straighten us out but it seemed to be the law.

Upon arriving upstairs, grandma would take us aside and ask us what we had done this time?  Upon our confession, we would be given her sage advice on how we might have made a better choice had we thought about the consequences.  And then would come the sugar sandwich.  Grandma was always making homemade bread.  You know the kind, soft and chewy and warm enough to melt the butter she applied.  But grandma added an extra ingredient, a spoonful of sugar.

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After her advice was taken and sorrys were said, the sugar sandwich treat was ours to devour.  We would then be sent back downstairs to repent our behaviour, tell mom we were sorry and promise never to err again, or at least not for the rest of that day.  We always thought mom didn’t know about the sugar sandwich and that if she ever found out, it may have changed our punishment routine.  In some ways I have always wondered why the whole process didn’t cause us to seek out the punishment just to get the sugar sandwich.  Truth of the matter was, that as good as those sandwiches were, the lecture from mom and the reinforcement from grandma were enough to make us want to behave better.

If there is a moral here, and there are multiple morals, it is that children aren’t raised by just the parent.  The more we share the responsibility of inspiring our children, the more rounded they become.  A pun involving the sugar here comes to mind but that is not the “rounded” I am referring to.  There is value in the sage wisdom of grandparents, relatives and friends that can teach children perspective and help develop their opinions and ethics.  My grandmother knew how to get us to listen to the lesson.  In some ways, the sugar sandwich reminded me that I could be forgiven if I was willing to accept my responsibility.

In the day to day ups and downs, we can all use the occasional sugar sandwich to let us know we are still okay and still loved.  Try giving someone you care about a sugar sandwich.  Who knows, they might even take your advice.

And Then I Blinked

Posted on by kwundrow

This blog entry will need an intro.  I wrote this piece on the occasion of my daughter Bailey’s marriage to her fiancee, John on July 17th, 2011.  My goal was twofold.  I wanted to have a chance to recollect some of my favorite memories all the while impressing on Bailey and John as well as their guests just how fast life can move.  I wanted to impart on them that it was important not only to make the memories, but to remember them and to retell them on those special occasions life offers.

Bailey and John promised me a chance to tell a story, provided I kept it to 5 minutes.  But there are too many to tell.  Better time me.  With a slight apology to Kenny Chesney, here goes.

 

It is April 21, 1984 and I am standing in the delivery room holding my baby girl.  22 hours of labor, and a C section to boot……… you were already stubborn then.  But what is her name I am asked…….”Bailey”. I respond with unimaginable pride.

 

And then I blinked….

 

I am standing along side my brother in his wedding party looking for you and mom in the front pew.  Seems you decided to make a bigger scene than the wedding and mom in her “patient” manner made you walk the 2 miles back to the farm…. before the wedding even begins.  A little of that stubborn streak again?  Oh by the way, you were far more elegant today babe.

 

And then I blinked….

 

You are suddenly 3 and I am ransacking the sitter’s house looking for your other shoe.  Seems I have fallen victim to the “hide the shoe” delay tactic.  I think this is when you started mentioning going to Shopko to get a new dad.  What aisle is that in and was I a blue light special?

 

And then I blinked …

 

I think you are 5 now and we are sitting on the couch together.  Mom needs you to say you’re sorry but you don’t think so.  Bernstein Bears to the rescue.  And it works… too well… from this point forward “sorry” is the easiest word in your vocabulary.  It will even get you in trouble later in High School.  Laps I think, for the whole team I believe!  There’s no sorry in softball.  But that’s another story.

 

 

 

 

And then I blinked …

 

When did you become this young lady?  You are ready for high school but not before you travel to Washington DC.  Even I hadn’t been there, but I felt like I had when I listened to your stories of the adventure.  That will become a theme with you.  Everything becomes an adventure.  Sure hope John is adventuresome.

 

And then I blinked …

 

You are in high school now and two sports have spurred your interest, Softball and Golf.  In softball you want maximum involvement so let’s be the pitcher, and golf….Really?   Can you pick more stressful sports for us to watch?  I had to spend your first golf season sneaking around the course so you wouldn’t see me.  By the second season we had developed our very own sign language.  And Softball, Just throw strikes, for God sake just throw strikes!

 

And then I blinked …

 

You’re in college now, about to realize your ultimate goal.  Hi dad, remember that goal of getting to ride the Zamboni, guess I’ll drive it instead.  You got to actually make the ice for the Badger practices at the Shell.  Badger hockey games would never be the same.  Now we evaluate the Zamboni driver’s skills during the intermissions.

 

And then I blinked…

 

You’ve graduated from college and you just finished your first interview.  How did the interview go? I think pretty well dad…. They gave me the job.  And another teacher is added to our family.  Good choice of subject by the way!  You had never wavered.  You told us in first grade you would be a teacher and now Verona just made it real.

 

And then I blinked…

 

And then there was John.  We’re at the Packer game and I am fired up for the game to begin, but who’s this guy that’s come down to our seats for a “visit”?  I’ve met several would be boy friends but there is something different this time.  I’ll need to keep an eye on this one.

 

And then I blinked…

 

And it was today and your arm is in mine and we are standing at the doorway to the rest of your life.  And you are beautiful and you are ready.  And I am incredibly proud to be your father.  I place your hand in John’s and I pray and I know that it is right.

 

John, I entrust you with my daughter, she is my heart, full of all the love and pride a father can have.  She comes with no instruction manual.  It is for you to figure it out, but feel free to ask for advice now and then. Take care of her heart and take care of each other.

 

In the words of one of my favorite singers “Live, Laugh and Love”  Always Together.  Just don’t blink.

 

Please raise your glasses in a toast to my daughter and my new son. 

 

May the love that has brought you together and the marriage that makes you whole, sustain you all the days of your life.  Cheers.

Thirty-six years….and counting

Posted on by kwundrow

November 15, 2016

To my wife and partner of thirty-six years

Life is an interesting journey.  So many little things brought us together all those years ago.  Some of those things were good ones and some, unfortunately, were not but never the less they were the steps that brought our paths to the intersection where we met.  Not that you were ready for the likes of me.  You put up a fair share of resistance.  Fortunately, one of my traits was persistence and your resistance quickly wore down.

We started out small, dinner at the Checkerboard, Dutch treat as I had so little to offer you other than my wit and charm.  Nice to know we have outlasted the Checkerboard, long since gone.  We advanced to our first date, a movie left unnamed and attended by accident.  To eventually deciding that our feelings were mutual and it was time to stop being apart, if even for a day or even a few hours at a time.

We made it to Thanksgiving, our first holiday together.  There would be thirty-six more to come, many with distinct memories, apple cobbler served warm on a bed of concrete comes to mind, but none so remarkable as that first Thanksgiving.  I will forever refer to it as the Shepherd Inquisition.  How I survived is beyond me.  If I had been your father, I would have sent me packing.  But this is where your character trait came into play.  You are a strong person who when she knows she is right takes a stand that no one can move.  And so you fought for me.  This would be the first in multiple times that you would fight for me.  I am glad you have won every time.

I remember our first truly “big” date.  You know, the one where he surprises you with his willingness to spend way more than he can afford on a destination that is meant to impress.  Do you remember….the Top of the 95th in Chicago?  By the time we left dinner, the one with the lovely view of the kitchen, I barely had enough money to get us out of the parking garage.  But somehow you were impressed.  A trick I have managed to pull off countless times since and something I will continue to attempt far into our future.

Oh we have had our fights along the way.  Some trivial and others worth fighting for, but through it all we learned more about each other every time and we learned to fight nice, love more and laugh at life together.  When our careers distracted us, one of us always took on the role of supporter.  We soothed our frazzled nerves and reached out and pulled each other through.

And then there were children.  First Bailey and then all those years later, Kathryn.  We created them out of love and rededicated our lives to theirs.  We faced the challenge of raising two bright and beautiful, independent young women and we championed our efforts.  We learned the art of divide and conquer, the skill of compromise without losing sight of the goal and the pleasure only two lively intelligent girls could bring to our family.  By the looks of it, aka the last reality check, we have succeeded.

There are so many tales to tell, so little room to write them all down.  But at least a mention.  Our Christmas traditions, starting with that first movie, Pauley, and eventually growing into our dinners on the town and The Christmas Carol presentation.  Thirty-six Christmas mornings, thirty-two with children, one with a dog if I remember correctly.  The family trips; Italy, the Caribbean, Mexico, Yellowstone and Yosemite to name just a few.  So many wonderful memories and so many years together.

What has kept us together all these years?  Love and respect.  Sometimes just enough and other times more than enough to store for the years ahead.  Thank you for always fighting for me and for standing up alongside of me when I needed that support.  We are a partnership, forged in tenacity and built on a foundation of love.  I look forward to the future and if it is in the stars, another thirty-six years to build our continuing book of memories.

All my love on this our anniversary.

Ken

Courage

Posted on by kwundrow

I want to make it clear that there is a difference between bravery and courage.  When a firefighter rushes back into a burning building or a soldier steps in harm’s way to face down the enemy, these are acts of bravery.  They are willing to risk their lives for the sake of others and generally people they do not know.  Courage is the day to day acts that we perform.  They can be as small as telling your two year old “no” in the middle of the candy store or even just lying with your arm in that awkward position that only cuddling can create.  You know, the one where your arm and hand is slowly falling asleep but you are committed to the caring act.  At the other end of the spectrum lies true courage.  That point, where faced with the unknown or even the end of life, one carries on for the people they love and those same people surrounding them.

I was going to title this “Fearless Courage” but I believe that the true meaning of courage involves a certain degree of fear.  Without fear it would not be courage bur rather irrational behavior.  It takes courage to act in the face of fear.  It is in that unknown that we muster the strength to act even when our rational brain would tell us otherwise.  It is in that arena that true courage rises to the top.

As I sit here writing this piece, I have a dear friend demonstrating this courage.  Diagnosed with cancer and the inbred logic of a surgical nurse, Carol knew that the ultimate outcome of her battle was sealed in her fate.  Do not doubt for one minute that she did not put up the most valiant of fights but even as she spoke of the battle she was clear on its outcome.

In this setting, it would be so easy to be angry, be angry Carol, to give in, let us take care of you Carol, or just plain whine about your fate.  I need to tell you that from the moment we learned of the diagnosis there was never a moment when we thought that she would allow any of this.  She is sassy and full of life.  She is mine and my wife’s role model in strength of character, parenting and grand parenting and how to be your spouse’s soul mate while still keeping him in line.  Carol is courageous.

Through this all she has prepared her family and encouraged them throughout her ordeal.  And let’s not forget them in this battle.  They too are courageous.  I can see the concern, even fear in their eyes, but they carry on.  They love each other.  They are there for each other and they demonstrate in every imaginable way that they are all in this together.  As Carol reminds them of what she needs them to do, they give each other strength to be courageous.

Bravery is a lack of concern but courage is just the opposite.  Courage uses concern as its weapon against fear.  My dear friend has found her courage and she inspires me.  Not just to write this piece, but to live my life better and deeper.  I thank you Carol for the battle you have waged, for your courage you have displayed and for the road you have paved for all of us.  It is on that road that your family will live out their lives as a testament to yours.

How do I love you…..Let me count the ways

Posted on by kwundrow

To my wife of 35 years

The word love has so many connotations.  I can love my job, I can love my children.  I can love the view or love that dessert.  Even when one loves someone, there are still the different emotions that they could be describing.  But when one marries, the love that they profess for their spouse is so much different and so much deeper.  It is a combination of that surface love, but it is mixed with the emotional love that is so much deeper, for if it is true love, it becomes soulful.  One becomes entwined in the fabric that defines their spouse.  They become one soul dedicated to the needs of each other.  When one partner hurts, the other feels that hurt as well.  When one celebrates they celebrate each other.  True love is the hardest emotion to maintain and yet the most fulfilling.

We have been married now for 35 years and I felt it only right that I should describe for you all the ways that I love you.  I trust that there are at least thirty five for me to name and yet more than enough for us to last the many years to come.

  1. I love the fact that you listen when I need to be heard.
  2. I love that you are my cheerleader even when it wasn’t perfect.
  3. I love the way you cuddle on cold nights.
  4. I love the little wiggle you do in the hall mirror each morning.
  5. I love how you plan our trips, even down to last detail.
  6. I love how you always make sure we have the tickets.
  7. I love that you take care of yourself.
  8. I love that you cook me my favorite meals when I tell you about them.
  9. I love that you loved my family almost more than I did.
  10. I love that you convinced me to marry you.
  11. I love that you gave me two incredible and beautiful daughters.
  12. I love that you are willing to fight for me.
  13. I love the way you look when you sleep.
  14. I love that you watch movies with me, and sometimes that’s when I see you sleep.
  15. I love that you learned to love listening to music.
  16. I love that you don’t judge me, at least not too much.
  17. I love how you love our children.
  18. I love how you impact the lives of others with your kindness.
  19. I love that you are not a republican, I love that a lot.
  20. I love that you spent your days working but always found time for us.
  21. I love that you iron my clothes, and really well.
  22. I love that you take pride in our home.
  23. I love that you let me be impulsive, at least now and then.
  24. I love that you will take a risk, at least somewhat and if I hold your hand.
  25. I love when you hug me and tell me I smell good.
  26. I love how you love me, especially at night, alone, but together.
  27. I love that through it all you carried on your career.
  28. I love the role model you are for our daughters.
  29. I love your body, because you are beautiful inside and out.
  30. I love that you will laugh at my jokes, even the corny ones.
  31. I love how you pamper me when I hurt.
  32. I love how you forgive me when I mess up.
  33. I love how you make me feel important even when it’s not all about me.
  34. I love how you encourage me to follow my dreams.

Thirty Five:  I made it and it wasn’t even hard.  But I saved the most important one for last…..

              I LOVE YOU….. THAT’S IT……I JUST LOVE YOU

Happy Anniversary !!!!