T- 19 and on hold for the weekend. My goal with this journal was to both let people know what treatment protocol is like, while also letting friends know how I was doing. The ride after chemo is rough. For the first twenty-four hours after, there is this increase in energy and spirit. That is at least what my experience was after those first three.

With the first two chemo sessions, I experienced a little nausea, but not much else. The chemo session I had on Wednesday was number three. Thursday was the same manic high that I have described before. Then on Friday I got my first look at what might lie ahead. I was down for the count, and nothing was working. Eating was a task because swallowing anything was painful to nearly impossible. My loving caretaker wife, worried about my weight loss, was constantly asking me what food she could make. Honestly, she should have been saying what food can I make you eat. The effort in eating is one thing, the general lack of taste and, with certain foods, the adverse taste, combines to make it undesirable. After radiation, yup, feeling lousy doesn’t get you a pass, the only thing that saved me was sleeping the entire afternoon away.

Today is Saturday, but Deb actually had to convince me of that since my chemo brain had apparently misplaced Friday. Considering how Friday had gone, good move chemo brain. I am feeling much better today, but also two pounds lighter than three days ago.  At this pace, when friends reach out asking if they can see me, I’d have to say maybe, maybe not. It depends on how I’m standing.

I have two days of rest before I mark the next session off my countdown calendar. It will be number fifteen and put one day closer to the end, one day closer to a cure. Everyone around me is trying to keep me positive, but their intent is hard for me to hear. I am in this dark tunnel and the light at the end seems so very far away. But keep the positive messages coming. If I am ever going to crawl out the other end of this tunnel, I need you to keep pushing me.