Author: kwundrow

Early Morning

Posted on by kwundrow

We were recently in Aruba with another couple for a week of sun, warmth, and relaxation. I had been given the task of securing our cabana on the beach each morning. Due to the popularity of our beach, you needed to be there by 6:30 in the morning if you were to get one of the much sought after cabanas. This was an easily accepted task for me as I tend to have a hard time sleeping past 6:00 anyway. For the first three days, I arrived right around 6:30 am and along with the other early cabana claimers, would find an open one, plant a coupe of stake holder chairs with towels, and then head back to the condo where by this time, everyone was up and moving.

For our last day on Aruba, we were undecided as to whether we would spend our last hours on the beach, or use them to grab a little last sight seeing. For reasons unknown to me, I awoke just before five am that morning, and lying awake next to my sleepy spouse, decided I would take our chairs and head down to the beach earlier than usual to claim a spot on the off hand chance that beach time would win out over sight seeing. As I stepped out onto the street that separated our condo from the beach, I couldn’t help but noticed the stillness of the predawn hour. Save for the waves lapping the beach, there were no other sounds. The city was still asleep. Where the morning before there had been a fewer runners and an occasional vehicle, this morning it was too early even for that. I was alone.

At face value, loneliness is not generally a welcome companion, but this loneliness had such a different feel. I wasn’t lonely, I was simply alone. The beach, softly backlit by the street lamps of the empty boulevard behind me, was deserted at this hour. Having staked out my claim, I began to walk the water’s edge as the ocean crept up the sand beach and lapped at my feet. Realizing that going back to the condo would be too early for my sleeping roommates, I decided to enjoy my alone time. I headed back up the beach and out to the silent street. I decided to walk the ocean front, soaking in the quiet of the city. As I walked, I eventually found myself at a small diner, the only open business along my entire walk. The thought of a hot cup of joe in this cozy diner suddenly was very appealing. As I entered, I found myself as the only other patron in the diner. At that point, had there been even a small crowd, I am sure I would have left, but as it was just the two of us and the waitress, I grabbed a seat. By the time my coffee came, I had struck up a conversation with my fellow diner, revealing where we were from and what had found us here so early in the morning.

With my coffee consumed and the sun just beginning to push back the darkness, I began my walk back to the condo. Unlike my walk to the diner in a city still asleep, she was now beginning to stir. Cars were starting to frequent the street, runners were emerging from beachfront condos, and the sounds of the city began to push back the silence. A building crane over here and a truck over there each adding there sounds to the growing noise of a waking city. By the time I reached the condo, the sun was climbing out of the ocean and sunlight began to replace streetlights. My alone time was ending.

Though there doesn’t need to be a point to story telling, there is a point to this one. I write it to preserve the beautiful memory of that morning and to share the image with whoever has experienced something similar. We can choose to be lonely, or we can welcome the opportunity for alone time. In a world filled all too often with bad news and unwanted noise, the quiet of being alone might truly be inviting. Do understand, I do not dismiss the dangers of loneliness, for there can be danger when mixed with a sense of despair or hopelessness, but rather that sometimes the best times are those quiet times alone. In those times we avoid the distractions of life and find the ability to refocus on what is important.

For me, that early morning walk with just the quiet of the predawn morning as my companion, will be my favorite memory of our week in Aruba. The sound of the waves, the empty streets, and that cozy diner shared with a stranger were exactly what I needed. What a perfect ending to an island getaway. It was the relaxing last moment before I would deal with the cacophony of the world awaiting me back home. It had reminded me that I had the ability to push out the noise and refocus my thoughts. Here’s hoping you can savor your next alone time, and that like I did that morning, you can find the beauty in the quiet that surrounds you.

Insomnia

Posted on by kwundrow

The clock says its 1:30 am. As I have done each night for the past three weeks, I nodded off just before midnight, only to have my slumber cut short, coming full awake sometime around 1:00 am. This has been my pattern every night since the surgery. Once I reawake, the battle to regain sleep begins. I switch my positions from the easy chair, to the couch, and then back to the chair. It would seem logical that I should be in my own bed, but early on in the process, that bed reminded me that I wasn’t welcome there. The sling I am imprisoned in, along with its four inch attached block, refuses to let me lie with any kind of comfort in or on a bed. Just another cruel twist to this game.

I have never been one to require much sleep. Six hours is almost too long while five hours has always been sufficient, provided it isn’t interrupted on those occasions when insomnia takes over the controls. Insomnia is a strange beast. On one hand, it is a cruel game of cat and mouse as I search for sleep, while on the other hand, it can open a world of quiet solitude when I give in to it. And tonight, I have given into it.

There is a kind of enveloping calm that exists if I stop fighting the insomnia and accept it as my companion for the night. At the onset all I seem to notice is the dark, but as my eyes adjust to the darkness, I begin to see a world of shadows and in those shadows, familiar objects become unfamiliar. What looked like a person crouched in the corner, turns out to be the easy chair disguised by the shadows. As time begins to elapse, its the quiet that strikes me next. The daytime sounds, footsteps and doors opening and closing, the TV chatter and the clatter of kitchen noises, the hum of the refrigerator and the occasional ding of an appliance are all gone now in the darkness of night. But even as this quiet surrounds me, I hear the sounds that only belong to the night. A rafter, stretched in the heat of the day, now contracts in the cooler night air and lets out a creaking sound as it does so. The furnace issues a pop as it switches off and the heat duct cools. There is a silence of night, but the house isn’t silent.

I’ve given in fully now. I am not going to get sleep by demanding it, but rather by letting it catch up to me. And so I take to the night. Sometimes I walk through the unoccupied rooms of the house letting my mind see the path I must take to avoid objects hiding in the shadows that will stub a toe or hit a shin. I will stop by the window and gaze out at the houses and street all enveloped in darkness save for a streetlight or a porch light here or there. When the moon is full, I will stare in awe at the moon shadows. Tonight I am sitting here typing this piece, enjoying those sounds and shadows of the night. I know that sleep will eventually catch up to me and I will hopefully squeeze in a few hours before dawn brings back the day, but for now, insomnia and I will share the night.

I write tonight as my way of avoiding the anxiety that would creep in if I were to just lie awake worrying about the sleep I was losing. Instead of that anxiety, I have embraced the solitude and I have used the time to adjust and release all the busyness of the day. I have decluttered my brain and resolved a few issues. Sometimes, the best result we can achieve is the fight we give into.

Here I Go Again

Posted on by kwundrow

When I checked into my Facebook page this morning I found a reminder of two posts I had done a while back. The first was posted five years ago when I had just emerged from surgery for my second knee replacement, having had my first knee replacement three years prior to that. Ironically, the second post was from exactly two years later and was about my grandkids and me downhill skiing. This should serve as inspiration to anyone in or nearing the process of this type of surgery, the message being don’t wait so long that you give up something you love because your knees are telling you no.

For me, these posts are a reminder of what lies ahead and that once again I will have to put in the work to regain activities that are currently being withheld. Back in May, thanks to my impatience, I suffered a severe injury to my shoulder. Though I have been doing PT for the injury, I was recently told that I will not progress much further without a shoulder replacement. It was good to be reminded by these two old posts that recovery is doable if I stick to the PT. There will again be days of discomfort, but also days of progress if I am willing to stick to the plan. I admire the PT doctors who provide the plan, the patience, and the hope. As an aside, in one of my recent visits, my PT doctor asked if I had any questions. I said I did and asked, ” Will I be able to ski?” Her reply was to ask me when I planned on doing that. As I told her December or early January, she said, “You overestimate me. If you had a cast on your arm and you were wearing a sling, would you go skiing?” My reply was, “You underestimate me.” As we both shared a laugh, I admitted that I might have tried her patience.


My surgery will take place in February and I do have hope. Some of that hope comes from the surgeon who convinced me of the need, my PT doctor who promises to give me the plan and encouragement to work my way back, my wife who will once again become my support and healing presence, and a little bit of myself as I will grit my teeth and get to work of healing.


All of these replacements could leave me feeling broken and vulnerable, but I choose to look at them from the aspect of a finely tuned sports car. Even it needs a few new parts along the way.

Hi Neighbor

Posted on by kwundrow

We arrived in California last Friday for a family reunion of sorts. Since then, other than out of state tourists, we have had our friendly Wisconsinite greeting acknowledged a grand total of twice. Though we stared people down intently as we greeted them walking by, we got an effort laden nod and a grunt that I think was hello, but could have been leave me alone, and a genuine call out greeting. My suspicion is that the latter was a transplant from Wisconsin who had not yet been here long enough to have been tainted. Further observations have led to the conclusion that no yard is complete without the wall of China replica keeping all but the clearly invited in, out. Mind you, these are observations, hardly scientific data or carefully gathered survey responses, just observations. There may be very friendly Californians out there waiting on a conversation starter, or they may have been warned of my imminent arrival and the dangers of starting one of those conversations with me.

I do have another possible explanation for the difference between a homegrown Californian and a homespun Wisconsinite. It might be that people in other areas of the country are more reserved and far more private with their lives than Cheese heads. I blame this phenomenon on the painful fact that for nine months of the year, we are cooped up in our homes staring at each other wanting for a new conversation, or we are so bundled up against the elements as to have no ability to communicate through the turtleneck, parka, and scarf keeping us warm. Spring arrives and we are like lemmings headed to the sea, that sea being anyone and everyone who have ventured back outside. We are starved for conversation and we will glad hand anyone within reach. It is almost an unwritten law that you are not allowed to pass each other without offering up a “howdy neighbor” and “how’s it going”.

So, I don’t blame Californians for being less that conversational, and I certainly don’t doubt for a moment that they are not a truly industrious population and downright friendly once you are invited through a break in the wall and allowed to enter their kingdom. I just must realize that I am a foreigner in this land, one my mother used to refer to as “out there”, and that as such, I will respect their fences, literal and figurative. After all, I have two sisters “out here” and the reason for my trip. I have penetrated their walls and crossed their moats to find out what was in there. Turns out it was friendly welcoming people, willing to share time and conversation, even pizza and wine. Just turns out that one needs to wait for the invitation before you storm the walls.

4th Generation

Posted on by kwundrow

It was one of those rainy days you experience on vacation. Our family was holed up in our cottage waiting for the rain to let up. My grandchildren, Jackson age 9, and Adela age 6, were doing their best to keep themselves busy but there is only so much you can do inside. We had already used up the TV time and were working into the kids games, when my daughter decided we should try cards.

I come from a long line of card players, Sheepshead, Solitaire, Euchre, and Cribbage are a few of the games we played. I had taught my daughter to play cribbage as soon as it was possible for her to deal with the math and strategy the game required. I relied on the same tactic my dad had used when he taught me so many years ago, show them a hand played out, repeat the rules once, and then play for blood. The result was that my daughter was a show no mercy cribbage player. She would steal your points if you miscounted and harangue you if the rules of the day were gentleman’s cribbage with no point stealing allowed. We were starting our third game tied at one each, There was the usual heated conversations over who had the advantage and the third game, being for bragging rights, was already heating up when we noticed Jackson off to one side, checking out the game as we played. It was at this point that Bailey and I looked at each other with that “he’s ready to learn look”.

Generally, when indoctrinating a newbie to the game of cribbage, it will take several open dealt hands and games before they even catch on. After that, one must allow for another raft of games before they are not a straight up easy mark for the seasoned player. Jackson seemed to have some inane logic / intuition for the game. We wrote off his first win, after just three hands, to pure luck. But as the week wore on and he began to best both his mom and I, we began to concede the fact that we might have created the fourth generation cribbage playing champ in the Wundrow bloodline. Game after game, he either bested us or at the very least, held in there to make the game tight.

Just as I was with my daughter, and I am sure, my dad with me, Bailey had to be proud of the fact that Jackson picked up one of her favorite games so quickly and so avidly. There really is no greater pleasure to be had than when the protégé is able to beat the teacher. To watch something taught to me by my dad now being taught to my grandchild, reminds me of the legacy of family that is passed down through the generations. I am sure my dad was there watching over Jackson’s shoulder each and every hand. At least that would explain how easily he learned and how quickly he excelled. Way to go dad, way to go Jackson.

There is a metaphor in here somewhere. Every great teacher appreciates that moment when the student becomes the teacher. The passing down of a skill learned is a testament to the generation before. Never stop learning from the generation that came before so that we might pass that what was learned to the generation that follows.

I need to close now as I have Jackson, cribbage board in hand, asking for one more game before bedtime.